This tale is about two Zobbits named Hrodo (Dumpty) and Ham (Humpty), who leave the comforts of their  home to begin an adventure in New Zealand….

Auckland Church

Hrodo got into the car and started driving towards Auckland. He was chosen to drive the  One Sunny Nissan throughout Middle Earth New Zealand.

“Let me drive for you, Mr. Hrodo! You shouldn’t have to carry this burden alone,” said Ms. Ham.

“No, Ham. This burden is mine alone,” said Hrodo while changing gears of the crappy car. At least it had a GPS.

Ham started to eat again. She always does when she gets stressed, anxious, bored, tired, or while breathing. Soon enough Auckland came in view. They only had 23 days to drop the One Sunny at the car rental company in Christchurch, the pit of the earthquake disaster. They were running out of time….

Ham didn’t like Auckland one bit. It looked too perfect, like Zurich. Too clean. Suspicion clouded her judgement. While Hrodo took a million pictures of flowers and towers, Ham was sulking on a nearby bench in the park. She was cold and the grey clouds didn’t help her mood one bit. She reminisced about the New York shire, drinking cold beers with her other Zobbitons at Vig bar. They have been away from home for too long.

Auckland

“Come Ham. Lets go to the famous Toi o Tāmak Art Gallery and see the Rock n’ Roll Photography exhibit,” said Hrodo

Ham followed. She always liked museums and Toi o Tamak did not disappoint. Hrodo enjoyed the photography immensely–especially since it took his mind off the long journey. However, like everything in New Zealand, the museum was small and they soon had to find something else to do.

“I know! Lets go to Rangitoto Island to climb the volcano! We might even see lava!” said Ham. She loved anything with fire.

Why so serious?

And so the two small Zobbits, far from their home, made their way to the harbor, got onto a ferry and sailed off to the next adventure. Ham was cheering-up quite nicely. The clouds were replaced with sunlight and reflected beautifully off the sea.

The climb up to volcano took no time at all, even with their short legs.

“Mr. Hrodo! Where’s the lava?” said Ham. Sadly they soon discovered that the volcano was dormant and had an infestation of rats. They treaded carefully around the booby traps.

So other than the museum and volcano, that was it for Auckland. Ham didn’t find anything special about the city. She was sure that if she tried harder, she could have found more interesting things to do. Maybe it was just her or maybe it was just Auckland.

Marokoa Falls

Marokopa Waterfalls

We saw thousands of sheep

With a heavy heart, Hrodo got into the One Sunny. He wasn’t worn down yet, but he knew the evil powers of the cheap car would test his endurance. Thankfully the drive to their next destination, Waitomo Caves, was only two hours away. Waitamo Caves were dated at 2 million years old and the 3 caves that they visited were Ruakuri, Aranui, and Waitomo Glowworms caves. The Ruakuri Cave (which means dog den) had the most extensive cave formation out of the three. It had gotten its name from a Maori  hunter getting attacked by a dog originally hiding in the cave.

“Ham, what can you tell me about these Maori people? Which King did they follow?”

“Well Mr. Hrodo, the Maori people originally came from Polynesia and were the first people recorded to discover New Zealand. They didn’t have kings but rather chiefs and were divided into many different tribes. The next wave of settlers were from Europe and they eventually came under British Colony rule after the Maori chiefs signed a treaty. The two races, at least on the surface, live pretty harmoniously. In fact schools are still required to teach the Maori language”.

“Interesting. Tell me more”.

“Well,” said Ham while looking both ways to make sure nobody was coming, “the Maori used to be cannibals. When I first heard this I thought perhaps they ate flesh for symbolic or spiritual purposes, like eating the brain to make them smarter. Well I was wrong. They used to eat people as a food source during wars, famines and for special occasion. In fact, prisoners of war were sometimes kept alive as livestock for butchering and eating later. New Zealand at the time just didn’t have a lot big animals to eat; at least not until the Europeans arrived and introduced sheep and cattle to the country,” said Ham in a hushed voice. She shivered.

Hrodo put both hands on Ham’s shoulders and looked long and lovingly into her eyes. “Ham, I am glad you decided to come with me. I couldn’t have done this alone. And I am certainly glad we were spared living here during their cannibal days.” Ham blushed.

The Zobbits carefully made their way into the dark belly of the the Ruakuri Cave. The spiral entrance with red lights shined brightly to help lead the way. They couldn’t stop marveling at the curtain like limestone formations and crystal “chandeliers”. Ham was “awwing” and “oohing” all the way. Seriously, caves were awesome, thought Ham.

The next cave with glowworms was a mystery to behold. The Zobbits, along with other creatures that were much taller and with funny accents, rode out on a long boat to see glowworms attached to the ceiling. They were transported to outer space. There were thousands, maybe millions, of green tiny lights illuminating from above. Everyone was holding there breath. The only sound was the occasional drip of water. These worms emitted bioluminescence light to attract other insects into their sticky long web for feeding.  Photography was strictly prohibited in the Glowworm caves, however these critters were present in the first cave as well and Hrodo was able to take a couple of pictures.

One full day was all they really needed to see the caves. “Are you sure you don’t want me to drive to Rotorua? You will destroy yourself at this pace,” said Ham.

“You are a terrible driver and I can’t risk our future. I must get the One Sunny safely back to its home,” said Hrodo. Dejected, Ham handed over the keys. They drove out in silence. Not because Ham was harboring any ill will but rather she was out of new things to talk about.

“Do you smell that? It’s sulphur I think,” said Ham. Sure enough they had arrived in Rotorua, the land of geothermal springs, mud pools and geysers. Time was precious, so they skipped the mud and geysers and headed straight for the geothermal springs at Wai O Tapu Thermal Wonderland and Waimangu Volcanic Valley.

“Mr. Hrodo, do you remember that scene in the film Labyrinth when Sarah and her friends are sent to the Bog of Eternal Stench ?”

“No. And it sounds like a stupid movie. Let me guess, it’s fantasy”.

“Yes it’s fantasy and no it’s not stupid. It was awesome. I watched that movie like 8 times. Forget it. You won’t know what I’m talking about”.

Well Wai O Tapu didn’t smell as bad as the Bog of Enternal Stench but it had dozens of super hot boiling  and bubbling pools of sulphuric water in the most beautiful colors imaginable: aqua, lime green, yellow, orange, etc. The Zobbits got there an hour before closing, so they scrambled to see it all. But Ham stood still and dumfounded in front of The Devil’s Bath and Champagne Pool.

They next did a walk through Waimangu Volcanic Valley. Hrodo couldn’t contain himself with all the photo-perfect natural wonders and off he went, leaving poor Ham behind. While he took photographs of the steaming mountains and lakes, Ham decided to be mischievous. Ignoring all the warning signs, she bent down to touch a stream of water trickling besides her. She yelped in pain and examined her hands for any burns. There were none, but she now adhered to the signs. The waters truly were at boiling temperatures.

They had seen so much in just one week. As they both rode off in the One Sunny towards the setting sun, the two Zobbits were feeling bubbleheaded. New Zealand was exactly how they imagined it to be and the long journey to Christchurch was worth every mile.

Ham reached for her iPod and pressed play for the song “New York, New York”  by Frank Sinatra. No matter how beautiful Middle Earth was, she still missed home.

North Island New Zealand